Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
