I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My vagina is officially offended.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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