He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
