you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
where does the pee come out of this thing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
