Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
