bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
