Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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