the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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