then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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