I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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