so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
