so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
