I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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