In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know her cup size but not her name....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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