I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
