So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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