everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
