I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
