Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
