Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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