nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
