There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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