Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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