I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
