So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
