Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
