R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
