And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's like iHOP with fire
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
