Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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