I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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