I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
