Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
