You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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