Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
