He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
