she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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