What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
