Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
