FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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