In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
