How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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