wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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