I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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