My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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