if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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