I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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