Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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