he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So apparently I’m into choking now
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