I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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