Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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