If i could tip my vagina, i would.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
