You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
