so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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