Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
