ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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