my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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