Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
