You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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