What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
