im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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