I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
