Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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