3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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