I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
