can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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