And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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