It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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